Does a palette count?

Yesterday my palette was more interesting than the painting I worked on.  Sad but true.  A painting is simply a series of decisions and I think my third decision was off course.  From there, I couldn’t get what I wanted from the painting.  It’s hard to figure out what happens in a case like that but I’ve learned from past experience that if I start over and try again, I’ll probably go down the same path.  It’s like my thought process has “dug a rut” (how’s that for southern?) and I need to completely leave the idea to get out of it.

Learning to work with wax has taken me back to a lot of the basic lessons of my first years of painting.  Actually, the first years of heartbreak!  I’m at that point where a couple of pieces are fairly successful followed by one that I simply didn’t ruin followed by one or two that I have to convince myself were worth the time because I learned something!  I’m learning so many things at once — choosing appropriate subject matter for the medium, mixing color, controlling the surface and creating texture, etc.  Basically, there are multiple things that could go wrong at any moment.  It’s called learning.  Some days I like it and some days (like yesterday) it’s humbling to the point of painful.

No pain no gain?  I HATE that saying!  I think I’ll go back and try again today :)  

Two steps forward….

As the wax shavings were piling up yesterday, I thought about the rhythm of my progress.  I bet I’m not alone in this.  I didn’t realize there is a definite pattern to learning until I started working with encaustic.

After many years in watercolor, I started experimenting with casein.  This was a few years ago and I felt like a coward.  I’d struggle with casein for a month or so, creating one good painting followed by two failures, then run screaming back to watercolor.  It was such a relief to get back to something I could DO!  I remember melting into my watercolor chair and letting the tension drain.  Gradually, my skills developed and with more consistency, I spent longer periods of time working with casein.  It took a couple of years to reach the point when I went back to watercolor with regret.

I considered and studied encaustic for a long time before buying the supplies and setting up ventilated area.  There is more expense and more layout concerns with this medium.  To my surprise, I followed the same pattern of learning.  As excited and commited as I was to encaustic, I had trouble sticking with it for too long.  At one point, I dropped it totally for a year or so — it seemed almost irresponsible to spend so much time on a medium that was totally kicking my tail.

I’m back to it now and I feel a deep commitment to it , finally.  And I see my reoccurring pattern.  I’m constantly amazed by what my art experiences teach me — about myself but also about all of us.  Comfort level matters in personal growth as much as the courage to explore.  I don’t think I can have one without respecting the other.