Lurking in the shadows

They say if you are an addict, you’ll always be an addict.  Well, I think the same goes for phobias.  They lurk in the shadows forever.

I did a short talk at the Carnegie Art Center today and I was reminded of my lifelong fear of public speaking — you’ll notice the past tense.  I confronted my fears a couple of years ago with two major speaking commitments in one summer.  I nearly lost my mind but I survived.  There wasn’t any other way to get past it except commit myself and struggle through.  It took a medical doc, a therapist, and some drugs - but I can now speak to a group without hives or hyperventilating. 

Art did it for me.  I had never wanted anything bad enough before to challenge my fear — I’d passed up more opportunities than I can list and had embarrassed myself by backing out and away FAR too many times.  I had no problem saying NO to anyone if a public appearance was required. 

For my art, I finally found the courage.  I was tired of being afraid — and I was sick of short circuiting my art ambitions.  There are so many unexpected ways in which making art has changed my life but this is one of the big ones.  My childhood fear of public speaking had ramped up to a fullblown diagnosable phobia. 

So if there is something you can’t do, I’m telling you that you CAN.  And I can also tell you it won’t be easy — it might actually be extremely difficult.  My talk today was definitely quivering and high pitched, but I did it!  That lifelong phobia was breathing down my neck but I didn’t let it take control.

So try doing what you think you can’t do.  I have found that it can be done.