When I’m good enough…
Since Miller was assisting today, I had some time to think while I was painting. I was thinking about the big question. AM I GOOD ENOUGH? For so long I made plans for “when I’m good enough” — keep painting and learning and eventually I’ll be “good enough”. For what, I’m not sure but there was a goal in there somewhere. It was a moving target that kept me in pursuit.
Then the truth settled upon me. I’m not good enough. For what I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure I’m not. I’ve fallen short of what might have been. Since I don’t know what might have been, I don’t know how short I am. I’ve only failed if I failed to try comes to mind but that’s the propaganda that got me where I am today. Still painting even though I’m not good enough, whatever enough is — which leads me to what I now know.
I’m painting because it is the best way I know to be who I am. I paint because I’m at home with myself in those moments. I paint because it is my unique journey with no comparisons. And doing my own work is good enough for me.
No matter how good it is.
