Abby

Abby borrowed my studio today to meet a guy.  She liked him so well, she jumped in his car and ran away to Tullahoma with him.  I can’t think of a nicer thing for either of them.  And it was a great use of my studio.

  

I want to….

You know what makes me want to work in the studio?  A day OUT of the studio.  Using a day of rest wisely is a trick I’ve had to master.  At one time, I was afraid to take a day away - I didn’t want to interrupt the flow of a piece or maybe I was afraid I’d wander away too long.  Or forever!  I’d often go to the studio for a couple of hours to keep myself in the groove. 

I now recognize my rest from the studio and have a determined length for the break before it starts.  I can then enjoy my break guilt free and really let the piece I’m working on leave my mind for a while.  And by recognizing, I mean I see it as an investment in my creative growth

To keep working at our creative endeavors, we all have to recognize our unproductive tendencies and figure out ways to outsmart ourselves!

It’s a Train

Steady as she goes.  I continued to develop this encaustic today.  It still has a long way to go.  

And this little 4.5 pound monster slept under my table.  He’s a chi/pom mix and he’s been in my anger management class :).  After only a few days, he now sits, waits, and is learning to control his temper tantrums.  Believe me, he could throw one!! Tiny dogs need the same training as the big guys and rarely get it.

And my wax area continues to get stickier and messier.  I remember when I used to clean my studio whenever I was uncertain.  I guess I getting very “certain” because cleaning is no longer at the top of my list.  Actually, it isn’t on the list at all.  

Have a Little Faith

The uncertainty never ends.  I started this piece and IMMEDIATELY started evaluating.  Yes, it’s too early to evaluate!  I need to let it develop and let IT tell me what to do next.  Painting is simply a series of decisions, each built on the last thing that was done, so very little planning is going to work.  

Yes, I still plot and plan because it’s a hard habit to break, but really, it’s wasted energy.  Each thing I do to the painting is slightly better, worse, or simply different from what I expected.  That’s the beauty and the huge lesson I learn every day.  Worry, planning, and a lot of plain old thinking is simply a waste of energy.  

Improvising

Making art is improvising, right?  I know I’m not creative when I’m working off a script.  Things have to happen spontaneously or I don’t feel like I’m making art.  That’s what making art IS.

On the other hand, improvising out of desperation is a really bad feeling.  When I’m trying to SAVE something that feels lost, then I don’t feel very creative.  A little lost is good….a lot lost is the pits.  

As I worked today, I found myself feeling very lost and thinking about how many hours are in this little, tiny piece!  Then I’d find my track and work with the right thoughts and feelings flowing.  

With pieces like this, I have to walk away for a while.  A week later, it will look better or WORSE than I thought possible.  I doubt that it’s possible to be objective when there is so much uncertainty in the air.  I’m setting this one aside for now.  

The Composition Blues

I have spent a ridiculous amount of time on this piece.  Today I decided to finish the darn thing - for better or worse.  It’s been hanging on the edge of the cliff for days lacking one thing.  Courage.  I pushed it off the cliff today and I might have found something in it.  I’m going to continue tomorrow even though I had decided wind it up today, no matter what.  

Plans are made to be changed, I guess.  

Structure

It’s time to get back on schedule.  My work schedule was demolished by my head cold, then a short trip, then I let my rescue work dominate for a week.  It’s similar to slipping out of a healthy eating plan.  All it takes is one day totally off track, then healthy structure starts to dissolve.

Over the years I’ve tried different schedules and have needed to change it, depending on the rest of my life.  For me, it’s important to have expectations of myself.  Not only to keep myself on track but also to know when I’m doing a good job.  Producing work isn’t the only way to weigh that because some weeks, the work doesn’t flow.  If I know I’ve put my hours in though, I can reassure myself that I’m doing what I should.

For now, the goal is to do studio work from 9am to at least 3pm every day.  Any distractions need to fall before or after that time.  So, it’s 8:07.  I’m hitting the shower!

Good Music and Inspiration

Red Clay Survey opened tonight with good music, food, and amazing art.  Mark and I enjoyed our evening - I’m inspired to work harder than ever next week.  The catalog is viewable at http://www.hsvmuseum.org/

Speaking of next week and work, here is the 4.5 pound reason I won’t get as much done!  This cute little guy has a way of stopping me in my tracks.  I need to get him adopted - he’s too cute to keep around.  

Monday, Monday

Today was finishing today.  The final layer of medium went on this piece.

And this one will get the final layer tomorrow.  A third piece is finished too but it came to a painful end :).  I might still work with it, taking it in a completely different direction.  Or maybe not.  I may let it die a quiet, dignified death.  

I hate to give up but sometimes it’s nicer to let them go without a struggle.  

I had three pieces in various stages of completion.  Tomorrow I’ll start a new encaustic - train cars this time.  

A Promise Kept

Okay,  it’s done.  Tanner is in a foster home as well as two other dogs I was trying to help.  SO, I can paint again.  The head cold is cleared up and I’m ready!  Tanner and I are both happy tonight :).

Stalled

Well, this is where it’s been for several days now.  My head cold is holding me up.  In the meantime I’m quilting and working on animal rescue.  And I met with Carl Gleghorn of Dragonfly Gallery and sent a few pieces with him.

I helped a chubby chihuahua mix leave the shelter and she’s heading to a foster home.  My Billy Joel was adopted today and he’s with his new Mom tonight.  A female lab will go to a foster home on Monday.  And this guy is my focus right now.  His name is Tanner and he wants to leave the shelter.  Wonderful donors have generously covered his heartworm treatment — now we need a foster home.  As soon as I get this guy to a place where he isn’t scared, I’ll go back to painting.  

Bella Made My Day

This is Bella and I was her taxi today :).  Friends of Retrievers pulled her from the shelter and is placing her in a foster home - and I was the lucky person who got to “spring” her and give her a ride to the vet.  Since I couldn’t work in the wax today, I was thrilled to spend some time with little Bella.  Good day!

Stupid Dumb Stuffy Nose

It’s very frustrating!  I catch a cold or bug a couple of times a year, which is aggravating enough, but they keep me from working in wax!  I used to do watercolor with a kleenex in my lap.  I could sneeze, sputter, and cough….and keep painting.

Not true with encaustic.  My swollen nose passages are aggravated by the fumes. I can feel fine and be breathing okay — but after a few hours breathing is impossible.  

Rats!  I’m hoping I can work tomorrow but I know I should wait a few days.  

Doubts

Doubts are tricky.  They creep in when we’re vulnerable — sick, frustrated, or tired.  And doubts masquerade as “revelations”.  Maybe this is a truth I’ve been hiding from?  Maybe I need to face it?  Do I really have anything to say? Those are the follow up questions designed to drill the hurt in deeper.  I’ve trained myself to be leery of negative thoughts.  I’m not immune to them but I try to consider them rationally.

The most common attack for me is “am I real artist?”  It’s a sneaky and destructive question because I can’t define “real”.  How can I prove I’m a real artist?  Of course, that question comes from within and I know the very best ways to attack myself.  

For years I’ve called myself “a painter” to avoid the artist word.  I still do it because it’s accurate and offers more explanation of what I do.  Am I a real artist?I know I could do more to earn that title and do “more” better - but I’m a real mother, wife, and animal rescuer — and I could do all those things better too. MUCH better.  But that doesn’t change the fact that I AM.  I think I’m a real artist simply because making art defines almost every day of my life.  That’s probably proof enough.

Watch out for doubts — they’re designed to discourage us from pursuing our passions.  And we design them ourselves, so they’re personalized doubts created for self-destruction.  Recognize them for what they are.

So that’s it….

Smooch and I had the same attitude on Thursday.  Slightly irritated, easily aggravated, and pretty sure that everything I did was a waste of time.  I didn’t bother to examine my feelings, I was too busy FEELING them.  I worked in the studio but with a huge chip on my shoulder and with major insecurity settled on me like a fog.  

Know why?  I was getting sick.  Yesterday the symptoms of a bug started and this morning I feel AWFUL.  

I have to remember from now on….when I feel THAT rotten and discouraged, there  may be a physical reason.  Don’t blame myself for being a stupid depressed person :).  Take a step back.